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Subject: ** Jokes n fun **
Replies: 29 Views: 1726
igwenze 2.11.10 - 05:13pm
** 3 CATS dey argue who b the biggest boy? 1st RAT::.. i'm coz i climbed a rat trap,dance on top of it n notin do me.2nd RAT ::.. I chop rat poison but i no die. 3RAT::.. U see dat cat,na me give am belle. ** *
igwenze 2.11.10 - 05:14pm
*** Dad asked hiz son,whenever i beats u,how do u stop d anger?? Son replies:: i start cleanin d toilet.. Dad asked.: how does dat helps u? Son ::. I clean it wit your tooth brush *** *
igwenze 3.11.10 - 06:11am
Which of d cats did u think wz d biggest boy ?? *
igwenze 3.11.10 - 06:14am
*** A naked woman boards a taxi in Onitsha 1 nite.D igbo driver keeps starin n does not start d taxi.d folling conversation ensures:: ...WOMAN: u neva c a naked woman b4??? DRIVER.:: i no dey look o! I just dey wonder were u keep d money u wan take pay me *** *
eagle02 3.11.10 - 07:30am
hahahah.very funny.interesting *
igwenze 3.11.10 - 08:28am
Eagle........laf as u like.lets hav urz if any ma dearest *
welshoti 1.12.10 - 10:57pm
a man walkes into a bar... Ouch! *
2boyce22 18.04.11 - 05:27pm
A Monkey ask his mom that mom y are we so ugly and she said my-son we are not ugly than the person who read dis joke. *
igwenze 26.06.11 - 06:59am
7months old twin babies in d womb saw comin 2wardz dem.D 1st baby said,see daddy is comin insyd 2 say hello! .D 2nd baby said.. Fool!! It's uncle,Daddy neva comez in witout a Raincoat. *
igwenze 26.06.11 - 07:01am
One a lady's weddin day,D pastor asked d usual question Any1 who feels diz couple suld not b joined in holy matrimony suld speak or 4eva remain silent.A young man raised his hand.
Seeing him,d lady fainted n wen she waz revived,D pastor asked d man, Y did u raised ua hand ??. D man replied.... I been just wan tell una say we no dey hear una 4 back. *
igwenze 26.06.11 - 07:09am
1day,a man wz sittin in his office on d 18th floor of a buildin when a man came runnin in 2 his office nd shouted john!!,Ua daughter Anna jst died in an accident right opposite d buildin.
D gantleman wz in panic.not knowin wat 2do.he jumped out tru his office window.
While comin down,wen he wz on d 14 floor,he remembad dat he does not hv a daughter named Anna.
Wen he wz near d 7th floor,he remembad he wz nt yet married.wen he wz abt 2 hit ground,he remembad he wz not john!
Dis is what stress does.Take tym n relax as much as u can.it's not all abt work! Work!! Work!!!
*
igwenze 26.06.11 - 07:12am
2boycee.....i lyk it dear. *
igwenze 26.06.11 - 07:46am
A 3year old boi asked by his uncle 2 make a sentence.D boy immediately noticed a dog passin by and said... uncle,this is a dog!. Suprised, d uncle smile n said,dat's gud my boi.Now mak a long sentence.D boy smiled n said.. Uncle,it's simple naa. This is a dogooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOOOO!! *
igwenze 25.07.11 - 10:34am
A gal came home wit a bag of mangoes.Her mom asked' haven't i told u not 2 climb a tree dat boy will see ua pant? D gal replied ' u think am stupid! I took it off b4 i climb !! Hahahaaaaa *
igwenze 25.07.11 - 10:36am
Two children were sitting outsyd d clinic.one of dem were cryin very loudly..
2nd child: why are u crying??
1st child: i came here 4 blood test.
2nd child: so? Are u afraid??
1st child: No,not that. For d blood test,they cut my finger.
At this,d second child starts crying.D first one wz astonished.
1st child: Why are u crying now??
2nd child: i have come 4 my urine test. *
igwenze 25.07.11 - 10:41am
3 guys were gistin at a beer palour.D 1st guy said wen my wife wz pregnant she wz readin a book.a tale of 2 cities and she gave birth 2 twins.
..D 2nd guy said his wife was readin d three musketeer and she gave birth 2 triplets.
D 3rd guy dropped d beer n started runnin home.wen dey got 2 his house,dey saw him burning a book. And dey ask him Y??.
He said,his wife wz readin Ali baba n 4 thieves and now shes pregnant. Not in diz house. Hahaaaaaaa!! *
igwenze 25.07.11 - 10:45am
A man wz drivin his bus 4rum portharcourt 2 lagos.He had sticker in his bus dat said He will give his Angels charges ova me. by d tym he got 2 warri,he ws doin 135km/h.D passengers cautioned him but he responded by sayindon't u see d sigh,d Angels are on guard
He approached benin on speed of 185km/h. by d tym passengers got nervous and decided 2 get down except d Driver. mumu faithless people! dey don't beliv d Angels ar on guard he said as he drove on.
Nearing Ore,he was confortably crusing at 250km/h when he heard people on his bus shouting Abeg oga drop us o!! We no dey go again!! .....puzzled,he looked around....shebi i dropped all my passingers in benin... So na who dey talk?? ... Oga drop us o!... Na we be d Angels on guard. U wan kill us? We no dey go again!! ..Na den our driver drove into lagos wit reasonable speed 35km/h. *
igwenze 25.07.11 - 10:47am
Three desperate ill men met dia doctors 1day 2 discuss dia options.1 wz An alcoholic.. Chain smoker and a hmos*xual. The doctors, adressin all of dem said if u indulge in these vices one more time,u wil surely die.they left d doctors office n each convinced dat he wil not indulge in such again.
While walkin 2wards d subway for dia return,they passed a bar.An acoholic,hearin d loud noise n beer aroma.he couldn't stop him self. Hiz buddies accompanied him into d bar where he took 3shots of whiskey.As soon as he drops d tumbler,he fell of 4rum his stool n died.
His companion somewhat shaken,let d bar n realized how serious they must take d doctor's words.
As they walk along,they come up a cigarette b*tt lying on d ground still burning.
The hmos*xual looked at d chain-smoker n said You know if u bend over to pick that up,we're both dead. *
igwenze 25.07.11 - 10:54am
As d plane wz going overseas,D pilot realized dat after they had taken off dat d plane wz carring 2much of weight n if they didn't lighten d load,they were going 2 crash.
So,dey dropped off d freight,d plane wz still heavy,den d lauggages,still heavy too!. So d pilot Announced 2 d passengers what wz goin on n asked 15 volunteers 2 jump off d plane wit para e.d navy had been alerted,so dey would hv ships waitin 4 dem below n dey would get pass 2 fly free on this Airline 4 d rest of dia lives.
No one budged.
So d pilot say's Ok,we're goin 2 pick people 2 jump but fairly.we'll go by Alphabets,race by race. Please! African American step 2 d front of d plane now!
No one moved.
All blacks,step 2 the front please!
No one moved.
All coloured step 2 the front please!
No one still moved.
At this point,a little nigerian boy asked him father,Dad aren't we African American,Black or coloured ???
D father replied n said No son,Today we're Negros and if sum1 dosen't hurry up n step up 2 d front, we're gonna be Zulu!! *
igwenze 6.08.11 - 10:26am
A bride tells ha husband honey,u kno i'm a virgin nd i don't kno anytin abt s*x.can u xplain it 2 me?
Ok swithrt,we wil call ua private place d prison and call my private thing d prisoner so,wat we do is,put d prisoner insyd prison and dey made luv 1st tym.
Afterward,d guy is lyin face up on d bed,smilin in satisfaction. He'z wife giggles n said honey! D prisoner seems 2 hv escaped don't worry darlin,we will re-imprison him again! Dey made luv again.
D wife,thoroughly enjoyed d new xperience of makin luv.gives him smile n saidhoney! D prisoner is out again. Alright sweety,d man struggles wit all his strength n made luv again. Afta wardz,he lay back on his bed totally xhusted.
5mins later,she giggles darlin,d prisoner hv xcaped again o!. .... D husband Yells!!! u want 2 kill d prisoner?? It's not life sentence ok.abeg slip mak i slip oooO!! *
igwenze 6.08.11 - 10:54am
An 18yr old gal ws impregnated nd ha dad ws shoutin,cursing nd sayin who ws dat pig dat did this to u?? D gal pick ha fone nd makes a call....
Half hour,a ferrari car stopped in their house nd a fine impaccable well dressed young man wit an xpensive suit enta dia house..
He sits in d livin rum nd tell d father nd d mother of d gal sayin U daughter had informed me what happened but I can't marry ha bcos of my personal family situations but i wil take care of d child nd d gal 2 d highest level.
If she gave birth 2 a gal,i wil build a duplex 4 ha, a jeep nd giv ha 2millon. If its a boy..i wil giv built a duplex,a jeep,giv him 5million nd part of my wil. But if she has a miscarriage,wat do u suggest i slud do??
D father placed his hands on d man's shoulder nd said U will sleep with ha again *
igwenze 11.09.11 - 04:26pm
I waz walkin past a mental hospital and all d patients ther were shouting...13...13..13..... The walls were 2 high so i peeped tru d hole on d wall 2 see wat ws happening.
One idiot among them poked me with a stick on my eye and dey all shouted ...14...14...14. Since den i learnt 2 mind my own biznex. *
igwenze 11.09.11 - 04:28pm
A tiny man fainted outsyd Mr. Biggs and soon,crowd formed around him to see. A passer-by suggested giv him sum water,it wil help. D man heard dis and opens one eye and replied comot from here,idiot!! U wan spoil market 4 me ( i want Mr biggs food not water!! ) *
igwenze 11.09.11 - 04:29pm
A 12yrz old boi ws accused of rape in d court. His lady lawyer holds his pen-is sayin Ua honour,can this rape?? :...D boi whispers,don't shake it ooO!, we will lose d CASE. *
portiap 14.09.11 - 11:46am
Q-wat dd d elephant sey 2 d nyked man.A-how do u breath through somtin so small? *
igwenze 18.09.11 - 11:34am
Portiap. noted,ua wlcm! *
igwenze 18.09.11 - 11:38am
A man returned 4rum church 1 fine sunday afternoon and seein his wife,he quickly ran nd lifted ha up.D woman wz so suprised of ha husband's sudden change 4rum a very hostile 2 cajolling husband.
So she asked him Darlin,did pastor preach about love 2day?? He replied NO! He preached dat each man suld carry his BURDENS *
igwenze 30.10.11 - 09:31am
Lady on phone..is dat police station?? A man has entered my house and he is me right nnoww ....can you aahh... mhaa.. ..aaaah....ouhhhh..woww... Umm...yeahhh... arrest him tomorrowwhhh!! *
igwenze 30.10.11 - 09:33am
It's ua 1st time,u lie back,ua muscle tighten.you put him off 4 a while searchin 4 an excuse,but he refused 2b swayed as he approached u.he asked if ua afraid and you shake ua head bravely.
He has had more xperince but it's d 1st time his finger has found d right place.He probes deeply and you shiver.you body tenses but he's gentle as he promised.he looks deeply in ua eyes nd tells u 2 trust him dat he has done it many more times b4.
He's cool smile relaxes u and u open wider 2 giv him more room 4 an easy enterance.u plead nd beg him 2 hurry but he slowly takes it time wantin 2 cause u little pain as he promised.As he pressed deeper,u feel d tissue given away,pain surge tru ua body nd u feel d slight trickle of blood as he continues.
He looks at u and asked if it's painful??,your eyes are filled wit tears but u shake ua head n nod 4 him 2 go on.He begins goin in n out of u wit skills.After a few moment u feel sumtin brusting within u and he pulls it out of u.u lay pantin,glad it's ova.
He looks at u and smile warmly.U smiled back nd said thank u DENTIST.after all,it's my 1st tym 2 hav my teeth pulled out. Naughty! Naughty!! Naughty!!! What were u thinkin huh??? *
portiap 31.10.11 - 09:17am
dr dra lady criedit hurts evrwhere lookshe poked her arm,leg,tummy nd hair.ow,ow,ow,ooowww!doc even my hair hurts
d dr axr u a natural born blonde?
yes
oh u cut ur fingerthe doc replied. *
